


Too good to be true

by the_milky_way



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Christopher finds out, Christopher wants them happy, Dad Evan "Buck" Buckley, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Evan "Buck" Buckley Needs A Hug, First Kiss, Getting Together, Happy Ending, M/M, Misunderstanding, Upset Evan "Buck" Buckley
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-12
Updated: 2020-07-12
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:54:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25227877
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_milky_way/pseuds/the_milky_way
Summary: Finally getting to kiss Eddie was too good to be true.orthe one where Christopher doesn't want them to be boyfriends. But it's not what it sounds like.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley & Christopher Diaz & Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley & Christopher Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 24
Kudos: 581
Collections: 9-1-1 Tales





	Too good to be true

**Author's Note:**

> I am supposed to finish the third part of ["Finding Love"](https://archiveofourown.org/series/1698586). But another fic got in the way and then RL happened. Then this third part decided to turn into a monster and I got sort of stuck. But it'll happen.
> 
> Anyway, this scene with Christopher wouldn't leave me alone. I'm sure it was done before in a way but I had to get it out of my head. So here we are...

They must look like love-drunk fools, lips swollen, grinning stupidly at each other. They sit close on Eddie's couch, faces only inches away. Eddie’s hand is curled in his hair, while Buck’s still gripping shoulders where they landed when he moved in for the kiss. As for a first kiss, this one was pretty decent. No scratch that, it was actually all he’s ever imagined it would be. At least with Eddie. His fantasies about first kisses shifted through the years, changed with every experience he gained.

This hadn’t been planned at all. At least not on Buck’s side. He can’t speak for Eddie. It’s the first evening of Christopher being back from camp and he’d insisted on Buck coming over for movie night. Far be it from Buck to deny such a request. He doesn’t even know how they went from watching Ice Age to kissing - but there was Christopher’s bedtime routine in between and some talking. It’s pretty much jumbled in his head. His heart’s pounding like crazy and he can’t seem to be able to let go of Eddie or getting his ridiculous grin under control. Seeing as Eddie’s sort of clutching to him as well, Buck’s not alone there.

“So…” He kind of sighs against Eddie’s lips, steals another kiss, and still can’t stop smiling through it all. Buck doesn’t think he has been this excited, this happy and doped up in endorphins in years. It’s a good feeling.

“So?” Eddie smirks but softens it into a gentle smile a second later. There’s a mischievous spark in his eyes that makes him look young and damn cute. 

“Does that mean… boyfriends or something?” Because yeah, he has to sound like an insecure teenager when he asks about one of the most important things in his life. They have been moving towards something for quite a while now and Buck doesn’t want to mess it all up before they even had a chance at this something.

Eddie is obviously trying to suppress his laughter and only succeeds partially as a chuckle still escapes. His eyes turn even softer and his hand moves from Buck’s hair to his jaw, thumb stroking heated skin in a way that makes Buck lean into it. 

“Boyfriends or something sounds good.” Eddie grins and leans in for another kiss. Only, his lips never make it all the way to Buck’s

“No!”

They jump apart so fast that Buck’s sure he pulls something in his back. Eddie has whirled around to where Chris is standing in the doorway, sleep-tousled and wide-eyed. Buck’s heart is doing a good job trying to beat its way out of his chest. This time it isn’t for a good reason, though. He feels his cheeks flush in shame, hands balling into fists and his mouth hanging open. Nothing on this planet prepared him for this. He hopes they can diffuse the situation and end it with a happy kid in bed. The next words destroy this hope with a force that has Buck jumping up from the couch.

“You are not daddy’s boyfriend,” Chris says with conviction, with a finality that has Buck swallowing hard. Of course. What did he even think? 

“What? Christopher?” Eddie sounds as shocked as Buck feels. He’s standing now as well, has moved towards his son and Buck gets it. Chris will always be a priority. For both of them.

Looking between the boy Buck would do everything for and the man he’d hoped to be able to build something with, the decision isn’t even one. If Christopher doesn’t… if he is against… Yeah, Buck will take a step back. And that’s what he does.

“I.. I am sorry, Christopher,” is what he says as he rounds the couch and moves towards the hallway where his shoes are. His throat burns with the air he’s been swallowing and the shallow breaths he’s forcing into his lungs. Buck can feel the panic lurking, ready to attack any second now. He doesn’t want to be here when it happens. Doesn’t want Chris to witness yet another of his weaknesses. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Eddie looking at him, confusion evident on his face.

“Eds… he’s... If he doesn’t... W-we can’t… I… I won’t. I’m s-sorry,” Buck stumbles over the words, can’t suppress the slight stutter that always pushes out when he’s stressed or emotionally compromised. He’s both right now. 

His chest aches something fierce when he slips his shoes on as fast as he can. He really can’t stay here right now. Not when he’s causing Christopher pain. Not when he needs to get over himself and let that thing between Eddie and him get buried under tons of denial again.

“Bucky? Where are you going,” Chris asks but Buck’s too caught up in his heartbreak to actually acknowledge it. He’ll beat himself up over it later but now he needs to leave. 

“Buck? Evan…” Eddie calls after him but is cut off when the door slams shut behind Buck. 

He doesn’t remember getting into the Jeep or actually driving away from the house that has felt like home for quite some time now. All he knows is that his cheeks are tearstained, his nose is blocked and Eddie has called his phone several times when Buck arrives at his place. His finger hurt from the way he has been gripping the steering wheel and his legs feel unsteady when he gets out of the car. And to think he was on cloud nine a mere thirty minutes ago. As if.

The minute Buck is inside his loft, his back is against the door and he slides down to the floor. He doesn’t feel the thump when he hits the ground too busy pressing a hand over his mouth to keep the desperate sobs in. He’s completely falling apart there and can’t even grasp why. It’s not unusual that children object to their parents dating again. He doesn't get why this is hitting him so hart, why he can't calm down.

And really, why would Chris be okay with it? He doesn’t need someone stepping into the place his mother left behind. He doesn’t need someone like Buck to fill out that gap. Not that Buck ever intentioned that in the first place. He’s not Shannon. He’s not a parental figure or a father to Chris. He is only Bucky after all. And that’s what he’s going to be in the future again. Once he can get over himself and his broken heart. Why did he ever think he’d be allowed to be happy? 

But he’ll take it. He’ll take Eddie and Christopher, their little unit, any which way he can have them. If it means pushing his own happiness back to have a happy Chris, well yeah, then that’s what he’ll do.

The sob that breaks through the barrier of his hand still firmly pressed against his mouth sets him off though. Buck cries so hard, that after a few minutes he feels the headache rolling over him full force. Heaving stuttered breaths in between isn’t helping to keep the panic at bay. The edge of his visions keeps graying out but he vaguely registers that his phone keeps lighting up with calls every few minutes. He wouldn’t know what to say even if he was able to grab it from where he’d dropped on the floor when he went down.

So this is what heartbreak feels like.

Buck doesn’t know how long he sits there sobbing, hands pressed against his face, back to the door and legs folded underneath him in a way that will hurt once he’s ready to get up again. For now, he decides to stay put, mind whirling too much to keep just one thought tethered. He doesn’t know what to think about first. How to salvage his relationship with Eddie or how to make Christopher not hate him. Is it even worth it to try? He’ll miss the little man so much. He’ll miss Eddie just as much. But maybe it’ll be better to stay away from now on, to save them all the awkwardness that will surely follow today’s situation.

When the knock comes Buck actually jumps, knocks his head against the door jamb where he had been leaning it without realizing it. He blinks into the darkness of his loft and wonders if he’s imagined the knock. But then it sounds again, this time accompanied by his name.

“Buck?”

Eddie? What is he doing here? Who is watching Chris this late? Eddie shouldn’t be here. He should be home consoling his son. Buck’s not that important, not when it comes to Christopher and the boy’s happiness.

“Buck, please. Just.. could you open the door?” Eddie sounds so exhausted and so sad that Buck wants nothing more than to do just that. Only he can’t. He needs to stay away now.

“Go away, Eds. We can talk tomorrow or another day. I can’t right now,” Buck whispers, lips almost pressed against the minuscule gap between door and door jamb. He knows Eddie can hear him anyway.

“Bucky?”

What? Christopher? Why would Eddie bring him here? It’s way past his bedtime and really, they could have talked tomorrow or whenever. Buck doesn’t know what’s going on, scrambles to his feet when Christopher says his name again. The door is open without Buck consciously deciding to move. 

He blinks and then has a nine-year-old hugging his legs so forcefully that he has to grab the door for support. At first, he doesn’t understand what Christopher is saying in the fabric of his jeans but then Buck feels his eyes widen.

“I’m sorry, Buck,” isn’t what he’d expected at all. Not in a lifetime. For the second time this evening or rather night, he sinks down to the floor again, just to be able to look into Christopher’s eyes.

“There’s nothing you have to be sorry about, Superman,” Buck tries to reassure but is met with a vehement shake of a head. 

“I do, ‘cause I hurt you. I didn’t want to. I swear.”

“No. No, Chris. If there should be someone apologizing it’s me. I’m an adult and I shouldn’t have…”

“No! You don’t get it,” Chris insists, loud enough to make Buck flinch. He looks up to see if any of his neighbors are noisy enough to check out what’s going on only to find his door closed and Eddie leaning against it. Eddie has turned the light son as well. Buck feels a little exposed, standing there with Chris clutching his legs and his face snotty, eyes itchy. Buck can’t decipher the look he receives but Eddie’s eyes are suspiciously glassy as well. 

“Okay.. okay then.. Why don’t you explain it to me? I’m a little dumb sometimes,” Buck tries to joke but realizes it doesn’t work when Christopher just glares at him. He’s not good dealing with the kid today as it seems.

“You aren’t dumb, Buck. And I said the wrong thing. I didn’t mean to. I was just so happy.”

What? Buck blinks. This is moving into a direction he’s not sure he can follow.

“I want you to be daddy’s boyfriend. I hoped for it because you make each other happy and smile. But I thought… Husband sounds better than boyfriend. And it fits better, too.” Christopher is looking at him shyly, eyes peeking over the rims of his glasses and Buck can’t help it, he pulls him into a hug.

He doesn’t know what to say to that. His heart’s beating in a rhythm that can’t be healthy, his legs are cramping from being crouched for so long and his thoughts are a mess he can’t quite straighten out at this moment. So Buck plops down on his butt, takes Christopher with him and cuddles him close. The boy giggles and pats Buck’s curls then hugs him back.

“I’m sorry, Bucky. That I made you think the wrong thing.”

“I know. It’s alright. Don’t worry.” Buck doesn’t have to guess how Chris knows what was going on in his mind. Eddie knows him so well, that it’s not a surprise he figured it all out. Buck’s a little embarrassed that his insecurities are so obvious sometimes. There’s a hand on his shoulder and Buck looks up into Eddie’s eyes, gets caught in them for a second there.

“Come on, bedtime,” Eddie says, voice calm and movements measured. Buck can’t quite figure out what Eddie is thinking but nods anyway. They make it up to the balcony, Buck carrying Christopher who’s clinging to him, half-asleep already. Eddie gets Chris’ jacket off and only then does Buck realize that the boy is in his pajamas. Of course, he’d woken up from sleep when Eddie and he were… Instantly guilt floods him because Eddie shouldn’t have had to drive all the way here with a child that should have been in bed and dreaming.

“Stop it,” Eddie says softly from his side. Buck hasn’t even seen him move. Chris is already curled up on one side of the bed, almost all the way back into dreamland. 

“He wouldn’t have gone back to bed anyway. He wanted to make it right once I told him how his words sounded to you. It’s alright, Buck. Okay?”

Buck only nods, unsure of what to say to that. He turns when Eddie’s hands settle on his hips. He knows what he must look like, eyes swollen and red-rimmed, cheeks blotchy from crying. Eddie leans in for a kiss anyway. It’s nothing like the happy first kiss they shared earlier. It’s way softer - like Eddie wants to reassure him that everything is okay now. It’ll take a while though, to process the emotional rollercoaster that this evening turned into.

“The fact that you’d give up your own happy ending for Chris… it floors me how much you love him. It amazes me how good of a parent you are to him. But Buck, you are important, too. And Christopher will never be happy if you aren’t. I know it all came out wrong tonight. So let’s just get into bed and save the heavy lifting for tomorrow.”

They’ll have to talk about it. They’ll have to figure out where they stand now, what they are. And it won’t be easy. But no one’s ever said life is easy. So Buck just nods, steals another soft kiss from Eddie because apparently he can and changes into soft sweats and a shirt. Eddie’s still in the comfy clothes he’d put on when they started their movie night.

Once in bed Buck can’t help seeking out the warmth of the body next to him. Christopher has claimed the left side of the bed so Eddie’s in the middle between them. It works for Buck because he needs to be close to Eddie right now. It takes them a few tries to figure out how to rearrange their limbs but once Buck is curled into Eddie’s side with his head on his shoulder and an arm slung around Eddie’s waist they settle down.

“Husbands, huh?” Buck manages to slur out before sleep or rather exhaustion fully claims him.

“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves. But he might have an idea there... Yeah,” Eddie mumbles into his hair, pulls him closer, and presses another kiss to Buck’s temple.

**Author's Note:**

> Beta-read by A., who sacrificed an entire Sunday afternoon. Thanks so much :) All remaining mistakes are of course mine.
> 
> Oh and I don't own anything.


End file.
